Chapter Ten
With each step he heard a spuelch under under his feet. The flurry of snow from the night before had melted, leaving the cobblestone street wet and reflecting the weak morning sun. Nicholai walked up and knocked on the door. Emilie answered.
“Hello, Nicholai, why are you back?” Emilie whispered, her voice still raw. Nicholai replied, “I came back to check on you all, but I guess there are not many changes with Wilfred by your voice?” She looked up at Nicholai, “would you like to come in? I can catch you up.” With that Nicholai entered the home.
In the Hawkins household it felt different now, quieter, heavier, as if every room understood what the Hawkins family was going through. Emilie moved around the kitchen with careful movements, pouring cereal, tying shoelaces, wiping small fingerprints off the counter, all while feeling the ache of uncertainty deep in her chest.
Her children sat at the table, each coping in their own way. Elijah, the oldest, stared into his tea, stirring without drinking. Luca tapped his spoon in an uneven rhythm. Katarina kept glancing toward the living room, as if expecting their father to walk in. And Abigail sat perched on her chair, hugging her stuffed lamb to her chest.
Emilie forced a small smile. “We’re going to see Daddy today.” Four heads lifted with four sparks of hope. “Is he awake now?” Abigail whispered. “Not yet,” Emilie said gently. “But he hears us. Talking to him helps.” They finished breakfast quietly, each child pulling on not just coats and shoes, but courage, something none of them should have needed at their age.
As they were driving down the road Emilie turned to Nicholai, with sad eyes just said. “Please prepare yourself for when we get there.” Nicholai looked at Emilie, she just kept looking where they were going. Never took her eyes off the road. “Thank you for coming with me, it means a lot. You showed up at just the right time.”
They pulled into the hospital car park. Emilie got out of the car and went to lock it, like she was on autopilot. Nicholai made her jump.”Emilie, I have not yet closed my door, I’m still getting out.” Emilie looked at him. “Sorry.” Then she waited and locked the car up. They walked towards the entrance.
Emilie sat in the sterile hospital room, next to the bed Wilfred was lying in, her hand resting lightly on his arm. Machines hummed and beeped around him, a chorus of life and uncertainty. Wilfred lay still, his eyes closed, a pale shadow of the vibrant man she knew. He had been in a coma for days.
Next to him, on his hand he could feel Emilie’s warmth. His other thoughts were roaming around in his head with no way out. They kept mixing up, unable to hold form and make sense. There was a never-ending ICU corridor that always carried the same smell of antiseptic, metal, and fear held just beneath the surface. Emilie paused at the doorway before guiding her children in.
There lay Wilfred, husband, father, the center of their world. He was still, pale, surrounded by machines that breathed and beeped for him. Katerina stepped closer. “Hi, Dad,” she murmured. “We’re all here.”
Luca dragged a chair over and began telling him about the soccer practice he skipped as he wanted to come and see his dad more. Elijah told new jokes he had saved for “when Dad wakes up.” Abigail clung to Emilie’s hand, her wide eyes fixed on her father’s face.
Emilie sat beside him, holding his hand gently. “Come back to us, Wilfred,” she whispered. “We’re waiting.”nothingness in his eyes. Just the pitch black. He was not frightened, just anxious he would never wake.
He felt the presence of the children. Elijah nervously chattering to him, but he could not fully understand what he was saying. Katerina was chatting to her mum about a book she was reading. He could feel Abigail and Luca as well but could not hear them. He did try to respond but there was no sound or movement in him. He just lay still.
Internally he was frustrated that he could not wake, could not talk to them or hug them. The love he has for them is the only thing keeping him going, stopping him from letting go and leaving them behind.
He felt his hand be lifted. “Daddy, please wake up, we miss you.” It was Abigail. She sounded sad. Like she was really hurting. Next he felt the softest kiss placed on his forehead, “we are here Wilfred, we love you, please come back to us.”
It all went quiet, the sadness lay heavy in the quiet of the room. Abigail, still clinging onto her dads hand. Katerina sat on the other side reading her book aloud to her dad. Elijah was trying to calm Luca down who was pacing around the room.
As he lay there he tried his hardest with every heartbeat and every breath to wake up. Nothing worked. He just lay in the darkness. Crying to what he thought was himself. “Elijah, go get a nurse.” When he heard this he ran out of the room.
Within a matter of seconds Elijah ran back in followed closely by a nurse. “He had tears fall down his face, I have never seen this before.” Emilie said. The nurse checked him over. “So it may appear that he is crying but his tears are more than likely just because of an automatic activation of his lacrimal glands. They might not be an emotional response, Whilst he is in a coma he is unable to experience emotions consciously. At the moment there is a disconnect between his functioning brainstem and his cerebral cortex which at the moment is non-functioning.”
He lay there, a pale shadow of the man he was before the seizure that started all of this. Each day passes by with no changes to Wilfred, carving a deeper worry into Emilie and the children. Wondering if he will ever come back to them.
The ICU corridor always carried the same smell, antiseptic, metal, and fear held just beneath the surface. Emilie paused at the doorway before guiding her children in.
There lay Wilfred, husband, father, the center of their world. He was still, pale, surrounded by machines that breathed and beeped for him. Katerina stepped closer. “Hi, Dad,” she murmured. “We’re all here.”
Luca dragged a chair over and began telling him about the soccer practice he skipped as he wanted to come and see his dad more. Elijah told new jokes he had saved for “when Dad wakes up.” Abigail clung to Emilie’s hand, her wide eyes fixed on her father’s face.
Emilie sat beside him, holding his hand gently. “Come back to us, Wilfred,” she whispered. “We’re waiting.”
Darkness. This is all Wilfred could see. But he could hear the voices of his loved ones. Wishing he could wake up, screaming internally. ‘I can hear you.’ It felt like the vibration of his voice was radiating through his body over and over again. But externally there was no sound, his family just saw him in stillness and quiet. Nothing from his body.
As he lay there unable to move or say anything a pain began in his chest. At first it was faint but then it intensified. A burning in his head. He just lay there silently in pain, clinging to his family's presence.
The pain was unbearable but there was nothing he could do apart from just lay there and suffer. He felt his body move. A sharp stab in his arm. What was going on? Then the pain started to ease off. A nurse had seen his heart rate increase and given him pain medication. It worked as his heart rate calmed back down.
Every touch, every whispered word from them was a tether. As the children played around him, or read him stories. How Emilie updated him on everything he was pulled closer to consciousness. The love he has for his family is much stronger than this coma and the darkness he was surrounded by. They were pulling him slowly back from the void.
Wilfred felt a pull, faint at first, then stronger. Darkness loosened. Fingers twitched, an eyelid fluttered. He opened his eyes to soft sunlight and the glow of hospital lights, to Emilie’s tear-streaked face. Wilfred was propped up slightly, groggy and disoriented but awake.
They removed all the tubes from his mouth and throat. The cannula was left in with his drip. To make sure he was staying hydrated.
“Katerina, Luca, Elijah, Abigail…” he whispered. The children jumped up and ran to him with tears of joy. Abigail climbed onto his bed and sat next to him, Luca exhaled with relief, Elijah leapt onto the bed and threw his arms around Wilfred with a big hug, and Katerina smiled softly, whispering, “You’re awake now Daddy, please don’t go back to sleep.”
Emilie looked at Wilfred. “Elijah, please loosen your arms. You are squeezing too tight.” With this Elijah leaned back up and apologised to his dad. His eyebrows drew together. “What…happened?” Wilfred asked. “You had seizures,” Emilie said softly. “They couldn’t stop them at first. You slipped into a coma.” He nodded faintly, absorbing the weight of her words. “And now?” “They’re still running tests,” Emilie replied, brushing his knuckles with her thumb. “They just need to understand why.”
In the days following Wilfred waking up he was wheeled to test after test. EEGs that picked up abnormal electrical activity within his brain. The CT and MRI scans searched for structural problems. He was also having blue tests to check for infections or any autoimmune markers. There was also a chest scan from the pains Wilfred explained having as he was waking up.
One of the brain images showed something unusual so they did a biopsy to test it, hoping to find out what it is. Wilfred just lay in bed, staring into space. Emilie looked at him, unsure what to do. “Daddy, are you okay?” Luca asked. Wilfred shook his head and looked towards Luca. “I am okay Luca, you do not need to worry.” Then he went back to staring.
The door of his room opened. Two doctors came in with clipboards in their hands, their expressions were gentle but focused. “We are Doctor Fuller, a neurologist and Doctor O’Brian a pulmonologist. We are here to discuss some of the results.” Emilie looked at the children. “Elijah, please take your siblings down to the dining room for your dinner.” Elijah grabbed the money and took them down.
Doctor Fuller started “so we are here to discuss the scans. There were some anomalies on the scan, there were a few tumors. The second one is smaller than the first but is deeper in the brain tissue.” Wilfred’s fingers tightened around Emilie's hand, the room felt as if it was shrinking.
Doctor O’Brian stepped forward. “We also found some abnormalities in his lungs. That’s what’s been causing the chest and back pain he’s been feeling. It appears to be linked to an inflammatory process, possibly related to the tumors. We’ll need to run further tests, but we have a plan.”
Emilie felt her stomach drop. The air suddenly tasted thin. Wilfred swallowed hard. “So…what happens now?” “We’ll treat the seizures and inflammation immediately,” the neurologist said. “We’ll develop a surgical and oncology plan for the brain tumors. We can manage the lung issues with medication and targeted therapy once we know exactly what we’re dealing with. The most important thing is that you woke up. You’re stable. And we can fight this.”
The children who had been down to the canteen for some food had returned but stayed outside the door. Katarina ran in the moment she saw their mother’s tears.“Is Daddy okay?” Abigail asked in a trembling voice. Wilfred reached out his hand, voice hoarse but certain. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.” Emilie rested her forehead against his, tears slipping free, not only from fear, but from fierce, stubborn hope.
Doctor O’Brian looked at his watch, “I’m afraid visiting hours are over now, you will need to take the children home.” Emilie looked at Wilfred, “if you need me, please phone, I will come as fast as I can.” Wilfred nodded and turned his head, falling asleep. Emilie and Nicholai took the children out of the room and into the hallways.
The hallways felt colder at night, as they walked down them towards reception and the exit Luca pulled in his mother’s sleeve, “mummy, I need the toilet.” Elijah took him into the gents toilets. When the boys emerged out of the toilets they all carried on walking.
They were all tense, it was always like this when they left Wilfred. They worried about him being on his own, without his family. The children were doing well, all seemed older than they were with how they were behaving through all of this.
Katarina looked at her mum. “Mum, when dad was asleep it was scary. He looked exactly like himself but also nothing like himself at the same time.” She looked to the floor and started crying. “But he is awake now, Katarina, he is coming back to us.” Elijah said, comforting her even though his own voice had a heartbreak behind it.
Luca stopped walking, “I miss Daddy, I want to go black to him in his room.” He cried. Emilie ran her fingers through his hair, “Luca, it is late and we have to go home, if we could stay here all night I would let you but you cannot. We must go home, it is the hospital's rules.” Luca looked to the floor and started to slowly walk backwards. “Luca, please do not do this, you have been so well behaved these past few weeks.” He looked up, shrugged and changed his direction and walked forwards.
As they exited the hospital Elijah remembered he had left his homework in the room and it was due the day after. “You could take a note in, I’m sure they will understand given the circumstances. I’m shocked they gave you homework knowing you won’t be home much.” Nicholai said. “Yes, I will write you a note and come and speak to your teacher in the morning.” Emilie said.
When they got back to the house Nicholai went for a walk. Why he was out Emilie got the children’s supper ready why Elijah and Katerina helped the younger two get ready for bed. They came downstairs and sat at the table waiting for their supper. Emilie brought it to the table, they all ate and went up to their bedrooms.
That night as Emilie was checking on the children, as she walked into Elijah’s room she saw him punching his pillows, tears streaming down his face. His eyes red raw from the crying. He looked up then went back to what he was doing. “I cannot stop the pain mum, I wish dad was home. Yes he is awake but he is not him, not fully.” Emilie stopped his fists from swinging and just cradled her in his arms. She knew it was affecting him, but did not think it was this much.
She watched as Elijah went to sleep and lay him on his pillow, covered him up and walked out of his room, backwards and slowly. As she walked by Luca’s room she could hear him talking. Since all this started he constantly talked, like it is his way of coping. She stood outside for a while listening to him. “Dad is coming home soon, I know it. Then I can tell him all these new jokes, my stories from school and show him all my pictures I've done.” He was still talking as Emilie walked into his room. “Luca, it is time to sleep now, you have school tomorrow, lie down.” She lay him down and lay next to him until he fell asleep.
The next day when the children woke up Emilie was woken by Luca and his constant chatter. Katarina was trying to get him to be quiet as it was really early, they never needed to be up yet. He was having none of it, saying what he was going to do when they go to the hospital later on. “You have to go to school first, young man.” It was Emilie, Luca turned around so fast and then lay down.
Elijah walked up to Emilie, “mum, can we stay off and come see dad why he’s finally woke up.” “I’m sorry Elijah, you need to go to work, we don’t want you falling behind in such an important year. The rest of you are also going to school” They all went downstairs, Nicholai was awake, sat up on the couch. “We are having breakfast, are you coming?” Asked Katarina. Nicholai stood up, “of course, lead the way, little lady.” Then they all went into the kitchen.
After dropping the children off at school Emilie and Nicholai headed straight to the hospital. On the drive there Emilie let Nicholai drive so she could just look out of the window. She was so used to driving that she never got to just relax and enjoy the ride. Nicholai stopped suddenly. He jumped out of the car. “Did you see that Emilie? The shadow in the trees?” Emilie got out of the car, got in drivers side and went to park the car then ran after Nicholai to see what he was on about.
She caught up to him, he was standing staring at a wall, “Nicholai, what are you doing? You just stopped and ran off.” He turned around and just walked towards the road, slowly staring ahead. “Nothing, I thought I saw something.” They walked back to the car, Nicholai seemed weird. Acting strange, walking like a soldier, up straight, slowly, arms straight and swinging.
They got to the car and Emilie drove the rest of the way. She tried asking him what happened another time but he just stared out of the window. She gave up asking and they drove the rest of the way in silence.
When they arrived Emilie got out of the car and went to walk away but noticed Nicholai was still sitting in the car. She walked back to him, “we are here Nicholai, are you coming?” He looked at her and slowly got out of the car. They both walked to the room where Wilfered was.
As they walked through the door they were shocked to see Wilfred out of bed, dressed and walking around. His stuff was all packed.”Wilfred, what is going on?” Emilie asked. Just at that moment Doctor Whitby walked through the door. “Wilfred is being discharged but he is on strict instructions to take it easy and rest as much as possible. Oh, and to take his medications.”
Emile hugged Wilfred, “I’m so glad you are well enough to come home. Doctor, will he need to come back for any results or any more tests?” She asked. “If there are any results we will phone you and sort out a time and date for you to come get them, this will be whether they are clear or if we find anything so please do not automatically think they are bad and we found something.,” With this Doctor Whitby walked out.
They gathered up his stuff and as they were leaving the room Wlifred turned and looked into the room, he breathed deeply “Our world cracked, I was here, all of worried I would not wake up and come back. Now I am going home I feel alive, more than I have for a while. Let's go home.” With this they all got in the car and drove away from the hospital.
Together as a family they were going to face everything together, whatever came next. Standing side by side as a team.